Walking my dog down Basin St with a big smile, a gentleman asked if I was having a fun day. No, no definitely not. But...I'm not in pain, I love walking, and I love my dog. Almost everything else in my life is hard. Half the time I feel broken. My best capacities are on the back burner, and what's fried is at the forefront. I'm good at caring for others, I'm not meant to go without. I've lost a sense of purpose, and betrayal took almost all I value. Why the big smile? Because a brisk walk brings a sense of progress, and my steps feel purposeful, even when my heart is not inhabited with a sense of purpose. Furthermore, I am aware that suffering brings me closer to Jesus, and heralds growth. I'm not immune to emotional lows, I know them well, but God still manages to put joy in my heart, and my mind can still zero in on blessings. I can walk. For most of a year I couldn't do that. My dog and me, are partners. He makes my life a lot better, and a little harder sometimes, but safer. I guarantee looking at me, you'd never suspect I'm homeless (and not only because my dog is a little chubby).
I just need a break. An income and a quiet space, and I'd love predictability.
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posted: 2 days ago updated: a day ago ♥ best of [?]
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